Get the Fk Out!
Author: Ken Homer Issue: 2023-05-17
Get the F**k Out!
by Ken Homer
I swear like a sailor and, as someone who grew up around boats and who served in the Coast Guard, I am a sailor. For decades I have worn “swears like a sailor” as a badge of honor. Recently however, my wife pointed out that we both tend to use the word f**k a lot. And I mean a lot. Anyone listening to use might be amused or shocked to hear how often that word appears in our speaking. We use it as a noun, a verb, an adjective, an adverb, and pretty much any other part of speech you care to name. It slips so easily off our tongues that we are scarcely aware of it. Lately, I have found it creeping into conversations with clients – something I try to avoid. So, it seemed timely to become more mindful of our speech.
At first it was really hard! But as a couple of weeks have gone by, we are both doing fairly well. We’re down from more times than we care to admit to just a couple of instances in a day. This weekend I managed to get through an entire day without speaking it aloud a single time. To be honest, if something goes wrong it is the first word in my head and often the first out of my mouth. I’m trying hard to substitute “damn” in its place, but it’s taking time to develop this new habit.
There are a few interesting things about this practice. After having tuned my ear to how frequently this word shows up in my own speech, I now find when I am with friends who use it as liberally as I tend to, that hearing it repeatedly is becoming rather jarring. Next, is noticing that multiple utterances in a single paragraph (or sentence!) leaves me feeling as though the word does little to enhance understanding. Just the opposite, I’ve started to wonder if my overuse is actually getting in the way of deeper understanding.
As a frequently uttered word in daily social discourse, it’s kind of implied that it can stand in for more descriptive words and people will ken our meaning based on how applicable it is to virtually every situation. But paying closer attention reveals a deficit not a surplus of descriptive power. Letting go of it means reviving some of those vocabulary words that’ve been gathering dust – something that feels fun and useful for an aging brain.
However, the most interesting finding is how this experiment is affecting my mood! I am definitely feeling more buoyant, clearer, perhaps sharper, and even a tad more alert. I wouldn’t have predicted that the practice would yield this unexpected benefit. Maybe you don’t use the word much – good on ya! But if you notice its presence is weightier than you like, I invite you to try the experiment of not saying it for a month and see what changes occur for you.
Addendum: Since writing this earlier in the week, I happened upon a TED Talk by Christine Porath about incivility and was amazed to learn that simply giving people a list of rude words and having them read it made them five times more likely to miss information that is in front of them on their computer screen. So, maybe reducing the amount of vulgarity in our speech could have some other positive impacts that we never would have thought of.
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