Get The Fk Out Update
Author: Ken Homer Issue: 2023-07-05
Get The F**k Out – Update
by Ken Homer
It’s now been about two months since my wife and I decided to cut back on the use of the f-word. It still pops up unexpectedly, I spilled something the other day and it was past my lips before I even realized I’d said it. However, it’s not unusual for two or three days to go by without either of us uttering it, and if it does slip out it’s rarely more than once a day. That feels like some kind of accomplishment. In terms of overall frequency of use, I’d estimate we’ve cut back by 95%.
The energy a word can carry and transmit is something that I’ve long been aware of. The n-word, for example, was banished from my vocabulary years ago, along with several other derogatory words that have the effect of dehumanizing and othering certain groups. But I had never really considered the effects of saying f**k until I decided to cut back on using it.
I’ve noticed a few changes occurring since starting the experiment. First off, I feel less angry and reactive. That is not something I would have predicted, and it is a rather lovely consequence. Not using fk is forcing me to find other words to use in its place when an exclamation is required. I endeavor to use “damn!” now in place of “fk!” and it actually makes whatever caused me upset to feel less intense. “F**k!”, at least for me, has a long history and connection with frustration, outrage, anger, and injustice, that curbing its use has reduced the impact of the negative feelings associated with the word. I have to say it’s quite liberating.
Next, is enjoying the challenge and the mental effort required to find other words to use in its place when a descriptor is called for: Fooey! Dang! That’s preposterous! Wow, that’s messed up! How extraordinarily devious! Oh, that’s some horrific stuff! He is so screwed! What an unthinking lout! What the hell is wrong with them?! No f-ing way! Okay, “f-ing” has been a frequent substitute but it too has less of an emotional charge, and it requires a mental effort to bring forth which makes me more aware that I am exclaiming; and bringing more awareness to my speech is foundational to the experiment.
In, How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life the Brain, the author points to research showing how increasing our “emotional granularity”, i.e., expanding our emotional vocabulary, is correlated with numerous benefits, among them, lower rates of chronic disease, higher tolerance of stress, and an ability to reframe negative experiences. Cutting back on my use of f**k is contributing to an increase in my emotional granularity.
The other thing I’ve become aware of is twofold: how jarring it is to hear the word from others, and how often people I know and love use it. I got my hair cut a couple of weeks ago and in the space of 40 minutes the woman cutting my hair used it 23 times! I’m not judging her; lord knows I’ve been known to exceed that count in even shorter timeframes; nor am I offended by her language. I do wonder if she might be alienating some of her clients without knowing it. It was because I found the word slipping into conversations with my clients that I determined to cut back on it since I think it’s unprofessional. On a broader canvas, I also wonder if the use of f**k is now such a part of common parlance that no one gives it a second thought. I love Ted Lasso and I wince whenever Roy uses the word in front of his young niece. People emulate what they see on TV, and do we really want to normalize the frequent use of profanity in front of impressionable young children?
So, two months into the practice and I’m quite delighted by the results. I never expected that cutting back on using one word would lead to so many benefits! YMMV.
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