Portrait of a Conversation
Author: Todd Hoskins Issue: 2024-03-20
Portrait of a Conversation
by Todd Hoskins
10:30 AM (4:30 PM in Portugal) on Tuesday
Three people gathered from Costa Rica, Portugal, and California on Zoom
Me: What are we talking about today? D: I don’t know. E: I just thought the time was ripe for us to talk. It’s been awhile.
I felt a sense of relief. There was no mode I needed to be in, no role I needed to play. I may call a friend for no apparent reason, but meetings on my calendar usually have a subject attached. My conversations with my partner in the evenings usually go back and forth between arranging details of our lives, sharing what happened during the day, and wandering to whatever topic surfaces–childhood memories, wondering what creatures eat our compost at night, or why I feel so passionate about unbranded mens underwear.
We don’t have enough group conversations that wander and frolic, especially during “working hours.” We are taught about hypotheses and supporting points, starting a meeting with an agenda, and becoming clear on objectives. Yes, and ...
“You do not have conversation to get work done. The conversation is the work.” – David WhyteThe conversation on Tuesday drifted from Jewish mysticism to the language of disagreement to the experience of being lost. No one pulled the discussion toward next steps or productivity. No one was trying to solve a problem or impress each other. We became lost in the current. The laughter and exchange of words would likely have continued if it wasn’t for the clock and the need to return to duty
I, for one, am questioning duty. There is a time for clarity, focus, and agreements, and there is a time for becoming lost.
“Sometimes the best response to a question is not an answer, it’s bewilderment, the gift of bewilderment. Because what it does is it takes you away from the logic of the question and leads you to other ways of seeing the world. Sometimes we ask questions that invite the specific answers that they are entangled with and we are locked in the cycle of question and answer, question and answer, and nothing breaks that cycle. So we need confusion. As our Elders say, in order to find your way, you must become lost, generously so. When you become lost you will find other ways of being present.” – Bayo AkomolafeI need more conversations without a topic, discussions without a purpose.
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