Your Moods and This Moment
Author: Gil Friend Issue: 2025-03-05
Your Moods and This Moment
by Gil Friend
Originally published at Your Moods and This Moment.
If you’ve followed my work or writing for any length of time, you’ve probably noticed that I’ve written a lot recently about moods. And that working with moods is a central element of the ontological coaching I do with my clients.
Am I going to touchy-feely on you? No. Quite the contrary. Getting better at observing mood, cultivating mood, and orchestrating mood is an key to both greater effectiveness and greater peace of mind. Even in the face of unsettling circumstances. Oh, like now.
We can think of moods in relation to emotions like climate in relation to weather. Climate is a relatively long-term, relatively slow to change, relatively characteristic to a place context in which weather happens, with faster variation. Mood is a relatively long-term, relatively slow to change, relatively characteristic to a person (or organization, or culture) context in which emotions happen.
My mentor Fernando Flores and his colleagues speak of mood as “an orientation to the future.” Mood shapes the assessments we make – about possibility and impossibility, about confidence and resignation, resoluteness and anxiety – and is in turn shaped by the assessments we make. If I’m in a mood of resignation (“Nothing I can do in the future will make any difference.”), I’m much more likely to be in the grip of restrictive assessments – it’ll never work, we’ve tried it before, he’s not competent, etc. In a mood of ambition (“The future holds possibilities and I like it.”), I’m much more likely to make expansive assessments — We can do this. Here’s a way we might be able to do this, she’s competent to do this, there must be a pony in here somewhere.
And in turn our moods are shaped by the assessments we make—and receive. Notice how your mood shifts when you’re surrounded by people making restrictive (negative) assessments about you, or by people appreciating you, what you’ve done, or what you’re up to.
So what does that mean for you—and me—in times like, oh, now? Well, here’s a three step practice that I’ve found enormously helpful. (And my clients would agree.)
- OBSERVING MOODS: First, simply take stock. What mood or moods do you find yourself in now? Or these days? Are there moods that you commonly wake up into? Or live your day in? Or that “show up” in certain situations, or with certain people? Don’t judge them; just note them. Then, notice what assessments (opinions, interpretations, judgements) are present with that mood, and reflect on whether those assessments are grounded (based in something real and present) or not grounded (imagined, or remembered from a different circumstance).
- CULTIVATING MOODS: If grounded, are there moves you can make—to enhance the circumstance that’s given rise to your expansive assessment, or resolve or mitigate the circumstance that’s given rise to your restrictive assessment? If not grounded, can you note that and let it go? My clients (and I) observe that somewhere during this process something shifts—a restrictive mood, like resentment, might loosen its grip, while an expansive mood, like curiosity, might deepen. And like a farmer or gardener cultivating soil to enable plants to grow well, or a musician or athlete cultivating the strength, reflexes, and muscle memory to be able to perform, you might find your “characteristic” mood changing, and your ability to dance with it growing.
- ORCHESTRATING MOODS (cultivating moods with others): I’m still a beginner on this one—orienting, practicing, learning how my words, actions, and moods affect the moods of others. We affect each in these ways all the time, whether intentionally or not—the words we speak, our tone of voice opening a meeting, our body language, the intentions we set, the music we play. What possibilities might open if we orchestrated mood intentionally, not as manipulation but as a contribution toward taking care of what we care about together?
What does mood have to do with the historic moment we’re living now? Think about it. Despairing, resigned, and helpless is exactly what they want us to feel. Let’s not. We’re not.
PS: If you’d like to learn more about navigating mood, and what possibilities these practices might open for you, let’s explore that together! I can offer you two ways:
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Direct, confidential, one-on-one coaching with me. (Now including unlimited access to the Mood Navigator gym.) You can apply for an introductory working session here: delphi.ai/gfriend. No cost, no obligation, no net.
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Or, if you’re not ready for that, check out my coaching bot—trained on my 50+ years of experience in business, sustainability, strategy, ontology, ecology, transformation, and deep inner work—here: pages.natlogic.com/coach
And in any case, I’d welcome your comments here.
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- Gil Friend (author)
- 2025 (year)
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